This month on the podcast, Kris and I explored why men play more than women. And, we got a little deeper because, you know, that’s what we do. We ended up chatting a lot about the difference between work and play in life and how it differs from human to human.
Come to find out… I view it a lot differently than he does, which I believe is innate to many men and women.
Like, I’m talking about how my idea of rest is watching a chick flick from the couch while Kris goes off and creates a leather purse he never intends on selling (even though, in my opinion, he totally should).
And how he sees play as an investment, whereas I see it as a luxury spent. So yeah, wildly different versions of work and play here.
But, in order to figure out how your partner sees work and play in their life and your life together as a couple, you first have to explore what it means. So today, I’m going to share my point of view, pepper in a little bit of Kris’ opinions on it, and then you can create your own version of understanding work and play in your own life and relationship.
Sound good? Let’s do it.
Okay, first, what is the difference between work and play?
This, while a seemingly simple question, is a bit deeper than ya might think. It’s not as simple as saying work is sitting at your computer between the hours of 9-5 and play is going to book club with your girlfriends and a bottle of wine.
To break down what I see as the difference between work and play, I made a diagram. You know I love a visual, friends.
Work |
Play |
| Required | Flexible |
| Invest | Spend |
| External | Internal |
| Duty | Joy |
Essentially, work is required, whereas play is flexible.
Work is an investment, while play is spending (yes, in my opinion).
Work is typically influenced by external forces, whereas play comes from your internal spirit.
Finally, work is a duty, whereas play is something that’s not dutiful at all, it simply brings you joy.
So, why does differentiating between the two on a deeper level matter in your marriage or relationships? Let’s explore that…
Why it’s important to understand the difference between work and play in life and marriage.
Now, knowing my definition of work and play, it was surprising to me that Kris considered play and rest one in the same. For me, rest is reading a book or watching a show—a sedentary activity. And in reality, I never thought of these things as my “play.” I thought of play as something that wasted my time. But, talking to Kris during this episode opened my eyes to the fact that these things that I do after a job well done during the day are, in fact, play and rest simultaneously.
Beautiful, right?
But… Kris has a different version of rest and play. Which is where it’s important to understand the difference.
Storytime & how I now approach this in our marriage…
So, that said, as someone who finds immense pleasure in deadlines, sales strategies, and the technical definition of “work”—to the point that it feels like play to me—I’ve had to reel myself in when it comes to certain activities Kris loves and sees as playful rest.
Take the leather bags, for example. Creating those works of art seems like work to me. So, my brain defaults to that sometimes, especially because work is fun in my eyes.
When Kris first started exploring this as a passion, I got so fired up about how he could sell them for a whole lotta money because they’re freakin’ beautiful. I thought it would be so fun to start a side hustle of sorts with it. But the moment I brought up a sales strategy, he had a visceral reaction. He shut down. Got quiet. Didn’t want to talk about it.
I was surprised by his reaction but let it go. However, realizing more and more how our work and play definitions are different, I understand now. I understand that by monetizing something, by putting deadlines on something—for him, I’m turning his play into work.
So, now, I let him have his tinkering, making, and putzing around the house at 10:30 p.m. when I want to be on the couch watching TV, realizing that for him, that puts his mind at rest. It allows him to rejuvenate in a way that mindless television won’t for him, even though it works for me.
Homework:
You know we love a good homework assignment at Beautiful Step! It’s time to explore the difference between work and play in your life and your partner’s life and use it to your advantage.
I want you to talk to your partner tonight about what their version of play is. What it means to them.
Then, talk about your version of it.
Compare how these definitions overlap or differ and use that to support one another and strengthen your relationship!
Want more juicy tips on work and play? Listen in.
Now, this is just a high-level overview of what we dig deep on in the podcast episode. For more examples, strategies, concepts, and good ol’ conversation, give it a listen or a watch (we have a pretty sweet setup, I think), and let us know what your takeaways are!
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