The Ultimate Exercise in Freedom: How to Forgive & Forget
In this life, we’re all chasing the ever-illusive concept of freedom. While freedom is possible, it’s typically not found in things like an extra zero in your paycheck or a remote work vacation. The true foundation of freedom starts in your own mind. I know. It’s a wild concept. But that’s why today we’re talking about how to forgive and forget. This is one of the first places to start.
You may be cringing as you read that. It’s a hard freakin’ thing to master, but we’ll show you how. Because at the end of the day, I think how to forgive and forget is the ultimate exercise in manifesting freedom in your life.
Ready to feel enlightened? Let’s do it…
What is the Real Point of Learning How to Forgive & Forget?
Often, people look at forgiveness as a way to make the offending party feel better. But, spoiler alert, no one in your life is as impacted by what you expect of them, how you feel about them, etc., as you are.
With that idea in mind, I will argue that we’ve forgotten the point of forgiveness.
I think the point of forgiveness is giving yourself freedom from the anguish and mental Olympics of hating, holding grudges, and giving your happiness and power away to external forces.
Think about this. If you say to someone, “I’ll forgive you if you do XYZ,” you are opening up a labyrinth of expectations for both parties. You’re removing the locus of control from yourself and giving it to this person. When in reality, they may not do XYZ thing at all because they don’t care, or they won’t do it up to your expectations. And then what? You’ll continue to let your mind fester on the negativity.
Don’t give your power away to someone else.
YOU get to decide when, where, and how to forgive and forget. And let me tell ya, it’s a heck of a lot more freeing than giving that control to someone else.
So, I know you’re probably saying in your head, “Well, that’s all good and dandy, but how the heck do I actually do it?” Let’s give ya some places to start, shall we?
Tip #1: Recategorize People’s Role in Your Life
You’ll be let down if you place people in itty bitty boxes without asking them to play that role. A great way to look at this is friendships. If you’re a person who is a friend who gives everything to everyone, you may think that every friend should act this way.
For example, you have a flaky friend who blows off plans like it’s their job. But they give damn good advice when you’re in a pickle. Quit asking that friend to go to brunch every weekend and instead text them or give them a call when you’re going through it and need advice.
Think about what people are teaching you, what value they add to your life, and what you can expect from them based on what they have shown you with their actions versus what you expect in your mind.
ACTION:
Who are you holding grudges against because they’re not living up to your expectations of them? How can you change what you expect of them and place them in a role that is more fitting for the reality of their actions? Journal it out.
Tip #2: Be Empathetic
People who hurt others and can’t own their mistakes or make them right may literally not have the ability or capacity. They may be going through their own sh*t you can’t see. Perhaps they don’t understand what you’re asking of them and can’t empathize with you. It’s up to you to give them a little grace to free yourself instead.
ACTION:
What am I asking of this person I can’t seem to forgive? Is that fair/realistic? How can I change my expectations of them to forgive and forget? Journal it out.
Tip #3: Remember to Reframe
You may have noticed a trend in the first two prompts: Reframing. We’re going to dive deeper into that here.
When everything feels like it’s falling apart around you and you feel that pang of wrongdoing, hate, grudge towards someone or a situation, I want you to repeat this affirmation:
I’m not letting things happen to me. I’m using this for my own power and own good and letting everything work for me.
Disempowered people treat everything in life as an obstacle. Step into your power and take everything that happens to you as an opportunity to learn, grow, thrive.
For example, if you grew up with an absent parent. Note: We’re NOT minimizing here. But, many individuals in this situation may feel self-pity, regret, and they may feel like they need to forgive this parent to move on in their adult lives as they become parents.
When in reality, that parent doesn’t crave (or frankly deserve) your forgiveness. They are who they are. You have the power to use this terrible, difficult situation to your advantage. Quit blaming this parent for all the bad they brought into your life and free yourself by realizing that this absent parent taught you how to be strong, resourceful, and resilient.
Your forgiveness isn’t going to impact that parent. But it will change your life forever.
ACTION:
What situation in your life can you reframe and step into your power? Journal it out.
Learn to reframe and act differently on what you know. This is the first step in learning how to forgive and forget. As you start to master this, I think you may feel liberated like you’ve never felt before.
Want More Tips to Learn How to Forgive & Forget? Listen Here.
Now, we covered a lot here. But there’s way more juicy goodness in our two-part podcast series, Forgive & Forget? Give ‘em a listen for even more tips and tricks, as well as why this concept is so damn important. Here’s part one and part two.
