What will happen if I….? We ask ourselves some version of this question at nauseum. Will I succeed if I try this? Will people think I’m dumb if I speak up? Will this relationship last? We are not aware of how often we are assessing risk and reward.
I say reward because at the end of our question is a presumed outcome that determines how we will answer. At the same time we are asking “will I succeed if I try this?” we are answering “yes, I think I will” or “I doubt it”. Our assessment of the outcome or “reward” helps us determine if the “risk” is worth it.
But what happens if we are in a bad mood? Will our negativity in that present moment cause us to assess the risk incorrectly and therefore skew our rationale decision making? What if we simply misunderstand what true risk is, which can potentially make any reward we dream up unworthy. Is injury to our ego true risk? Are we so frail as humans that one rejection constitutes significant risk?
When our fear of what MAY be solidifies into a belief of what WILL be, we short-circuit our potential for growth, freedom and joy.
When I talk with people about their anxiety over life or relationships, usually they are projecting out something that has not occurred yet and may never occur. My question after they have shared is almost always, “has this happened yet?” Most often, it has not. If it hasn’t, you need to truly evaluate the real risk and adjust accordingly. Get out of your own head and in turn you will get out of your own way.
The only cloudiness in our head is what we bring in with our obsessions, negative thoughts, irrational arguments and lack of confidence. A sure-fire way to get out of your head is to ban yourself from thinking about yourself. Think about others. Go help someone else. I have a new term for it.
“GIVE YOUR OBSESSIONS AWAY”
To be obsessed with yourself and your life is the life of a narcissist. Give your mind and heart away for the joy of others and you will find that your life is filled with joy.
Here are my follow up questions if you find yourself in a place of perceived risk:
1. What is the posture of your heart, mind and spirit in the meantime? Are you waiting for doom or have you decided that you are going to be ok no matter the outcome? YOU HAVE GOT THIS!
2. What are you spending your mental capacity on? Running through unlikely scenarios or formulating a plan of action toward freedom? YOU HAVE GOT THIS!
3. Is there a way in the current situation to make small steps that may help limit this risk? If so, what are they and which one can I take RIGHT NOW? YOU HAVE GOT THIS!
4. Am I giving my power away? Is this outcome contingent on someone else’s decision or action? If so, realize that no good goal or dream is contingent on anyone besides YOU and YOUR MAKER. Change your goals to something that you ACTUALLY have control over and quit making excuses for why you can’t. Do not give your power away. YOU HAVE GOT THIS!
